So now I'm speechless. I don't know where to start...
There are so many things going on my mind. First of all, I lost another baby which I was not aware that I already have one living inside my tummy. Second, I don't know the reason why I lost her. Was it because of stress? Because my sister-in-law got me so angry plus our helper that causes me to be stressed for the reason that she is not so good in following orders. Was it because I slipped the other week? But the bleeding occurred 5 days after. Was it because of fatigue? But all I do in the office is sit in front of my computer and just type and click.
Whatever the reason might be, the bottom line I already lost my baby and cannot bring him/her back.
After the medical procedure was done, I was brought to the recovery room. I woke up a couple of times but can only say a few words then dozed off again. I remember one dream. That my first baby, who was in reality supposed to be a month old, was already about 4 years old was taking care of her sibling, who was in a baby blanket, in heaven. It makes me cry every time this dream crosses my mind.
God knows how I love and adore babies but I can't even have one of my own. Maybe, its just not yet the right time. I understand that God has a plan for me. I don't question that. It's just that the fact still remains that it saddens me and it breaks my heart to think that I lost both of them.
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